Rain

By EileenDalla

Tears of our Mother.

Standing in the rain, feeling it on my skin, tasting it on my tongue, letting it fill my eyes.

Becoming one with my Mother,

Opening myself and allowing Her to fill my soul.

Tears of our Mother

Washing me clean and giving me renewal.

Breathing her breath, seeing as she see’s and dancing in her arms.

Turning to face her…, to accept her into my heart.

Learning in the Twilight Years

Damn, old age sucks sometimes. First the body goes and you can't jump fences anymore, and then, the brain begins it's down hill slide. It's like an old car that still wants to run, but the gas has a hard time getting from the carburetor to the engine. You find yourself right in the middle of traffic and the damn thing wants to choke down.

In my younger days I was too busy having babies and raising kids to worry much about improving my mind or learning anything new. I was content to read the occasional novel or recipe book and use my own education to help my children attain theirs. Finally when my nest was at last empty,and after all those years of answering questions, helping with homework and teaching life's lessons, I let myself get mentally lazy, only using my brain when absolutely necessary and for the most mundane purposes.

Now I've reached my twilight years and the desire to learn has awakened with a ferocious appetite. I can't get enough. The more I learn, the more I want to learn. One subject leads to another, and that one leads to another and that one to another and on and on it goes. If I'm not careful, I find myself far from my original starting point, simply by following an infinite path of information that has so many branches you can get lost just trying to decide which of them to take.

But as I've aged my lazy habits from the past have come back to haunt me and I'm finding it very difficult to concentrate and retain what I read. Sometimes it takes me days to absorb something I should be able to take in in a few hours. Although I don't plan on leaving this life any time soon, I feel I've reached my summit and by looking down I can see the end. It may not happen for another 20 years, it may happen tomorrow, but either way, I want to learn as much as I can before the Dark Goddess comes to escort me across the veil.

Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking.

~Albert Einstein ~

The Power of Smell

It's funny how an odor can stir memories and feelings you thought were long buried and forgotten.

Today after lighting our wood stove for the first time this season, the smell of the metal heating and burning off a summer of disuse brought back memories of kids, cold and snow and the happiness they brought so many years ago.

I had forgotten how much I loved my children during that time.

Waking them up in the morning, getting them ready for school, waiting for them to come home in the evening. The laughter and fun of having their friends over to sit at our table and spend the night.

I hadn't realized how much I miss just being a mom.

I wish I could remember those times better, there is so much I have forgotten, due, to the unhappiness I was experiencing at the time. An unhappiness I could have overcome had I been stronger and more willing to face the fact that part of the problem was me.

It's so easy to blame someone else when things go wrong. Your mind can build a strong case in your defense, telling you that you're the victim and completely innocent, while the other person is the sole cause of all of your problems. Who wants to admit to themselves that they have faults and can inflict the same kind of pain they are experiencing onto another? It's easier to lay the blame somewhere else and live with the real truth buried deep inside. The trouble is when we do this, it sickens our soul and over time life becomes almost unbearable.

Each of us has the power to find and release this self-inflicted pain and with work and patience, we can begin to let go of the burden we have carried for so long. Only by taking responsibility for our own mistakes and sharing in the blame will we allow the healing to begin and find that part of ourselves we can love again.

~~~

As long as a man stands in his own way, everything seems to be in his way.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson~